“life will be better in spring”

June 2012 July 2012

TOMORROW IS FRIDAY. LIEK FINALLY. HELLO.

Today is not a good day, at all. I'm not going to bother kidding myself into believing that everything will be fine, eventually. To hell with the-- what-- 船到桥头自然直. That, I'm not sorry to say, is just bullcrap. Nothing becomes alright on its own. Nothing. Unless you are a boat/ship that is. Lol.

Many days have passed, like that, sometimes I wonder if I'm being too... I'm minding too much, shutting up too much, not caring too much. But you, you are so unpredictable. Which is probably why I find myself shutting up the moment I see you. Racking my brains to find something to start a stupid conversation, but always giving up, because.

I think I'm so silent these days, I'm scaring myself.


Lesson learnt, these lonely days- independence. Rely on no one, because no one is reliable.

Why was I a little, just a little surprised when I heard that. All that you've been saying, all that you've been stabbing. I mean, ouch. I can understand if you just want to be the "authoritative" one, and you hate people who aren't committed. Okay, just continue hating. But there's really no need for such shameless behavior. You asked her, why am I like this nowadays. Surprised once more. You actually had the NERVE to ask that. Like, wow. You mean to say that you've forgotten, cleanly forgotten what you've done? This is what I really call 卑鄙. You think you can get away with doing that? You are very mistaken if you think I'm still obliged to give you encouraging smiles, kind words, random expressions. Very mistaken.

我很倔强
虽然苦涩
但我忍
忍
依然是心头上的一把刀


I'm hurt, yes. I want to hug a tree and cry till I go blind, yes. I... I don't want to crawl out of bed every morning, just to face this... crap. Choosing this, 2 years ago, was a huge mistake. So huge, I couldn't even find anything comforting/good out of it, just to seek some solace. Regretted, hated, accepted. Not that much time left anyway. I will get through this. I will. 




I've been wondering about this, but it might have been a mistake to make that decision... 4 years ago. But heck. I'm nearing the end. The sweet sweet end. Even if the next 2 years won't bring me much to be happy about, I'm alright. I just need a break. A long long break. Where I don't have to be there, that place

Exhausted after typing this exhausting post
Concert tomorrow, I'm not prepared, I'm strangely composed
On a much brighter note I'll be able to meet my dear sisters tomorrow
You guys.. make me smile, laugh, love, more than I've ever done in a lifetime